why? how? why? but I guess I don’t need to know

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source: popperpengoo-blog

In a very short slumber I experienced before my sister abruptly woke me up, you showed up again in my subconsciousness. I found myself being kind of entranced, not fully digesting my sister’s words about something that somewhat felt so important to me. All the while I also tried to block what she said off my ears in order for me to be able to relieve these misty visions, which I know are unreal.

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“coincidence”

I lost myself and stopped on my tracks.

Taking a few steps forward to the magazine board, I decided that I would just look at some stuffs here first before I went to the library for my next errand.

Yeah.. I guess..

I could hear the booming voice of my tutor, congratulating him on something I didn’t catch. Right, I’m browsing these flyers.. performance.. announcement.. hmmm..

And I also heard his laughing voice, as he was stuttering a little bit in an attempt to reply to the compliment, wait no.. I have to see.. if there are some important news.. or something interesting here…

But I couldn’t dismiss the joy emanating from his voice.

“Bye!” and that one last word took me by surprise. I froze on the stairs, I knew I had to take off quickly but I couldn’t.

Alright, as normal as possible..

I turned away from the board and continued climbing up the stairs until..

“Hey?”

..I was caught.

My head pivoted towards the direction of his voice, and I tried my best to put up a surprised look.

“Oh hi! What a coincidence, eh?” I exclaimed.

In hope I was wearing my best smile.

a story to justify myself pigging out

“Hey! Are you putting on some weight? You look fatter, dude!”

Fatso.

That’s the word plastered to Gillian Hay at school. And that, just now, was Dorian Blake goofing around as usual.

“Whatever.” Gillian replied, smiling a little. Not a single look of hurt was shown on her face that was actually flawless, save for her chubby cheeks. Her posture was also alright and she was quite tall. Her dark short bob hair looked silky and soft. But the only thing that made people around her hesitate was the flabby arm that was now holding her jumbo-sized chocolate crepes.

She was not ostracised, but people always said that it was unfortunate that she was fat. Many of her classmates had actually tried to help her lose that weight through series of regimes, diet and whatnot. Yet, it never worked.

Apparently..

“Are you feeding the monster inside your gut again? I thought you already had that when we first arrived here.” Dorian joked, using reference of Gillian’s words that she always used to counter people’s comments on her pigging out on food.

 

Which was absolutely true.

But people wouldn’t understand.

So in reply, she just looked at him impassively..

.. before taking another bite of her crepes.

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It rained hard on that day. I was standing in that place drenched and looking at his body hanging in front of me. His face was pale white and blood flowing from his slaughtered abdomen had long dried. In a situation like this, I would normally have retched all over the crime scene, feeling all nausea unlike common homicide detectives as usual.

But there was much more important things that suppressed the queasiness inside my throat.

He.. was not..

.

..the culprit

 

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our secret base

Bodies huddling together, fire crackling.

In a small clearing, unexplored by most of the townpeople.

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Far behind the town cathedral, through thick shrubs and bushes, six people sat around a campfire. This was their secret base, a place invisible to other people – a place only for their existence. Five guys and one girl, their bodies huddling together for warmth.

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the corridors

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When the corridors were empty, that was when the voices in my head became clear. Sounds from the surroundings fell deaf on my ears, muted by my sudden indifference towards this problematic place called “reality”.

I couldn’t even hear the sound of the rustling leaves and my own footsteps – messy thoughts had made everything soundless, deafening melodies of the nature from the windows.

“Say that you’re tired loud and clear.” Those words rang in my ears once again, demanding to have this frustration uttered out loud for the wind and the trees to hear.

But my lips could only quiver at the thought, face hardened for a split second to keep this smile on. For I can’t let this facade off – for I can’t let the utopia I’ve difficultly built crumble, shattered by the fact that it all has been a mere lie and that

I’m actually tired of keeping it up.

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