I Search the Words to Replace “Goodbye”

On one morning, I let myself get plunged into another deep slumber after opening my eyes for a minute, immediately sending me off to the dreamland once again.

As said, I once again made my enchanted appearance in a new random situation that was as strange as how dream works

I, all of a sudden, found myself on my way to your house with some people whom I couldn’t remember. We reached there pretty quickly thanks to the scene-skip I always experience in my dreams.

We had got lost in it at first, since your house is as grand as a castle. And when we were looking for you, your parents seated themselves on the sofa in the living room, looking unperturbed with us barging in and searching in the rooms of their house. We went to look for you in your room and that karaoke room where we usually did our school projects together (only when we were on the same team) but we couldn’t find you.

So we went back home.

But on my way home, you suddenly texted to my brother’s iPad which I didn’t recall ever holding. You told me that you were a killer. You told me that you were guilty. You told me that everything would end. You told me,

“Bye-bye….”

And you didn’t reply to my text anymore afterwards.

And I started to get so worried about what you might do that I shouted towards whoever driving the red convertible car, we were in, to turn back to your house.

I arrived at your house once again, and this time I rushed to your parents asking where you were in a deep desperation I have never been before.

They replied, saying that your room was now in the attic which could be reached through the old white wooden stairs in the kitchen – probably because you wanted to hide from people after all the things you claimed you had done. Without further ado, I then hurried myself to the described stairs, which I’m sure, are never there in your house in the real life.

Up in the attic, it was not as spacious as the other rooms you have in your house. And after I had climbed the last step of the stairs, I was greeted by a white cabinet – almost similar to what I have at home in the storeroom where mom usually keeps unopened canned foods and condiments.

I’m always searching for your figure to appear anywhere. Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place

Those words were ringing in my head as I held my hands out to open the doors of the white cabinet in front of me.

Then I found you inside it. Your face was as white as winter, and your open dark brown eyes met my black jet ones, looking empty, peering into my very soul that I cried.

Even as I descended the stairs and went to deliver the horrible news to your parents, I couldn’t stop these tears from falling as they escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. Your parents didn’t even believe me after I had told them that I found your lifeless form in the attic’s cabinet. They looked okay.

But your father, in the end, agreed to go up to the attic together with me, and we found your head with that expressionless look peeking out from the cabinet as we arrived there.

Your father, he still looked fine with it. He even chuckled at it.

But me, who couldn’t stand it anymore turned the other way only to be called by him not long afterwards.

As I turned my head back towards the white cabinet, I found you shutting your eyes for a moment before reopening and fixating them on mine. And with the help of your father, you got out of it, heads hung low with gaze filled with such indifference I’ve never seen you have before in the real life.

Another scene-skip happened and we were on a field of flowers. I was talking to you but you still kept silent and my words seemed to fall deaf in your ears. You just looked at me before gazing at our surroundings.

Impassively.

But I still smiled at you and it somehow felt like I had been doing this with you for a long time since you came out from the cabinet.

And one day you said,

“Thank you.

I’m going to turn myself in.”

Before walking away with those people in uniforms. Hands cuffed.

And I woke up.

I keep denying it even though I swear.

That I definitely saw a ghost of a smile playing in your mouth when you thanked me.

And that this was one bizarre dream.

Why did I even dream about you anyway?

Is it because of the fact that there’s one final thing I want to tell you before my hands couldn’t reach out for you anymore?

A/N: So dundundundun I finally reproduce my dream through writing again. Gyah! It’s been a long time since I last did something like this. So it’s really hard to bring out the experience I felt when having this dream. By the way, this is about something I dreamt yesterday morning. Yep, morning! I had already woken up and I don’t know why but I went back to sleep, resulting in me getting woken up unceremoniously by my little brother and me getting late to school for an event’s preparation.

Anyway.

It’s really weird to me. This dream.

His parents whom I saw in my dream wasn’t that similar-looking to his parents in real life (I guess) and his hair was short in this dream. Like that of one time when he had a new haircut. I think that one was what I saw in my dream.

ALSO it has been a long time since I last dreamt about him.

And about him being a killer. He told me that he was the one behind a massive explosion that killed many people (dunno whether he was a tycoon who owned a company that caused the explosion or a genius scientist). I only remember him saying that “I am a killer. I kill people.” or something like that.

But damn! I kinda cried when he texted me like that in my dream. It’s like he told me about his darkest secrets, and he felt guilty about it.

And the feels I got was just that of wanting to comfort him. I don’t really know, maybe something like that.

I don’t know how I feel about him after I moved on to the umbrella-stealer (you know whom I’m referring to, if you don’t, read my previous post :p).

But this dream reminds me about how we don’t text each other anymore, and the fact that all those times we’ve spent at school together, and being in the same classes, are not that enough for me.

This dream reminds me of him (of course) and how he’s gonna leave soon.

I don’t want to admit this but I am so going to miss him. So, I kinda make a mental note to myself so that I always remember to spend more time with him.

Before he leaves.

Before he’s going to be just a part of my history.

By the way, by the way! This one is inspired by Ishuukan’s Kanede and Yamazaki’s One More Time, One More Chance. Hngg!!! The feels are just overflowing. Read the lyrics’ translation and you’ll know what I mean!!!!!

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